Entry tags:

owner's guide and maintainance manual

FIC: Harry Potter: The Owner's Guide and Maintainance Manual
Title: Harry Potter: The Owner’s Guide and Maintenance Manual
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Congratulations on your purchase of a HARRY POTTER. Please read the following help manual to ensure easy start-up and maximum usage of your Boy-Who-Lived.
Notes: Idea borrowed, with permission, from Theresa Green. Currently unbeta’d. Written for rakina’s birthday.

Harry Potter: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

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CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a Harry Potter! In order to obtain top performance from your Boy-Who-Lived, please read and follow all instructions. Please note that this document refers to the following versions of the HARRY model:

(a) Harry version 1.0 (Rowling, 1997)

(b) Harry version 2.0 (Daniel Radcliffe, 2001)

(c) Harry version 3.0 (Fandom, 1997)



TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Harry Potter

Type: Human

Manufacturer: Scholastic

Date of Manufacture: 1997 and 2001 respectively



INSTALLATION

In order to help your HARRY to adjust gradually to life in your home, take the crate in which he was delivered to your cupboard under the stairs, or a similar small cupboard. Little light and bars across the window will initially make him feel more at home, but after a few weeks he should be moved to a small bedroom, again with bars over the window, or to a tower on the seventh floor of your home (painted red, if possible). Remove the crate lid carefully.



ACCESSORIES

(a) Wand (Holly and Phoenix feather, eleven inches)

(b) Owl (snowy, name of Hedwig)

(c) Broomstick (Nimbus 2000. Firebolt Upgrades are available.)

(d) Trunk (contains clothes and school equipment, including books, parchment, quills and potions kit)

(e) Invisibility Cloak

(f) Marauders Map (will not function in Muggle households)

(g) Two-way mirror (broken)

(h) Gifts and miscellaneous (see page 12)


OPERATING PROCEDURE

HARRY POTTER normally responds to orders but occasionally suffers from the ANGST or CONFUSION viruses, which will reduce his capabilities and may cause him to seek out the VOLDEMORT model. If your HARRY appears preoccupied, you should invent a mystery for him to solve and remove all RON WEASLEY, HERMIONE GRANGER and DUMBLEDORE models from the area. The DEATH EATER range should also be avoided.

HARRY can be useful for a number of household jobs:

Cleaning:

HARRY has extensive experience of cleaning from purchase, due to the ten-year training procedure that occurs before sale. Any DURSELY model can help keep him in line.

Fetching your cat from the tree:

HARRY comes equipped with a broomstick and so can easily fetch high, difficult to reach, or even falling objects.

Spying:

HARRY’s invisibility cloak keeps him hidden from sight. This rarely helps if you are spying on a neighbour with a DUMBLEDORE or SNAPE model, for reasons unknown. In fact, a SNAPE model might be better for spying.


COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS

HARRY is compatible with most other units, including any model from the STUDENT range (except those in SLYTHERIN robes), PROFESSOR range (with the exception of DEFENCE PROFESSOR, who never last long and are often being controlled by viruses such as EVIL) and the entire WEASLEY range. However, VOLDEMORT and DEATH EATER or PROFESSOR models will have limited compatibility according to version and year of purchase. HARRY POTTER 3.0 has various settings which can be chosen by you. To choose the correct setting, check the descriptions below:

(a) Canon:

The ‘Canon’ setting involves:

* Mood swings

* Compatibility with all STUDENT range models except SLYTHERINS

* Compatibility with all MARAUDER models

* Tendency to go on suicidal missions to save the world.

* Tendency to mistrust some characters for no particular reason and to keep announcing that mistrust

*Kindness towards House Elves

*Enjoys flying

Your HARRY will address PROFESSOR and unfamiliar models by their surname, and STUDENT models by their first name (mostly).

All models except PROFESSOR will address your HARRY as “Harry”. PROFESSORS will address your HARRY as “Mr. Potter”.



(b) Het:

Het works only with female models and must be programmed as a light-side character or upgraded to allow compatibility with other DEATH EATERs. This is due to the popularity of HARRY/GINNY pairings in comparison with pairings such as HARRY/BELLATRIX. Please see the Slash mode notes to understand ratings.

(c) Slash:

The interaction of the HARRY and other male models in the ‘Slash’ setting depends on the rating at which you set them:

Rating ‘PG13’ involves:

* Banter

* Mild drinking

* Expressions of love (known as “fluff”)

* Kissing

*Slight cluelessness

Your HARRY will address the male model by name or in the case of SEVERUS SNAPE, “Git”.

The male model will address your HARRY as “Harry” or “Potter”.

In order to reach higher ratings, you should normally obtain a HERMIONE model to explain things to HARRY.

Rating ‘R’ involves:

* Lots of skin

* Coupling rituals (may include sex magic) in various areas

* Possibility of lubricant

* Warning labels, to be planned beforehand by the participant(s)

* Sighs and moans

* Censorship stickers

Your HARRY will normally continue to address the other model by name.

The other model will address HARRY by name.

Rating ‘NC17’ involves:

* All the above

* Loss of censorship stickers

* A wider variety of warnings to choose from

* Screaming

*Repetition of the words “Oh God, Snape. Yes! Yes! Yes!”

HARRY will rarely address the male model due to having his mouth full or passing out.

(b) and (c) work only with version 3.0. Please ensure all participating models are set to the same mode, or irreparable damage could be done to both.


RECHARGING

HARRY eats little during the summers, but lots from autumn to late spring. DOBBY is very good at recharging HARRY.

GIFTS AND MISCELLANIOUS

HARRY is a very popular model and will receive gifts or other objects from other models. This is the general pattern they follow.

Year 1 of ownership:
DURSELY | A fifty pence piece
HAGRID | A wooden flute, wizarding photo album
HERMIONE | A large box of chocolate frogs
MOLLY | sweater, fudge
FRED’N’GEORGE | Toilet seat
OTHER | !”Half the candy shop”, non-explodable luminous balloons, Grow-your-own-warts kit, wizard’s chess set

Year 2:
DURSELY | A toothpick
HAGRID | Treacle fudge
HERMIONE | Eagle feather quill
RON | “Flying with the Cannons”
GINNY | Singing valentine
MOLLY | Sweater, plum cake

Year 3:
DURSELY | A tissue
HAGRID | The Monster Book of Monsters, flowers
HERMIONE | Broomstick servicing kit
RON | Pocket sneakoscope
GINNY | Singing get-well card
MOLLY | Sweater, mince pies, cake, nut brittle
SIRIUS | FIREBOLT upgrade

Year 4:
HAGRID | Cake, sweets, rock cakes
HERMIONE | Cake, “Quidditch Teams of Britain and Ireland”, sugar free snacks
RON | Cake, Dungbombs#
MOLLY | Sweater, mince pies, fruitcake
DOBBY | Socks
SIRIUS | Penknife

Year 5:
HAGRID | Wallet (brown, fangs)
HERMIONE| Honeydukes chocolate, a talking homework diary
RON | Honeydukes chocolates, every-flavour beans
MOLLY | Sweater, mince pies
DOBBY | Portrait
SIRIUS | Practical Defensive Magic and its Use Against the Dark Arts (also from LUPIN), two-way mirror
TONKS | Firebolt model
FLITWICK | Sugar mice
ROMILDA VANE | Chocolate cauldrons containing firewhisky and love potion


Year 6:
MOLLY | Birthday cake, sweater
FRED’N’GEORGE | Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes box, decoy detonator
SIRIUS | Everything he owned
KREACHER | Maggots


FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS/TROUBLESHOOTING

Q: I recently purchased a HARRY model but he has a FIREBOLT instead of NIMBUS2000. Why?

A: You have bought your HARRY second-hand. Buy a new one.


Q: HARRY is grumpy and withdrawn.

A: This is normal. Buy a RON, HERMIONE, GINNY or Version 3.0 SNAPE to distract him.

Q: SLASH MODE is not functioning properly and causes my HARRY to expire.

A: You are living in an LJ area. Move to an area patrolled by GJ or IJ instead.